The Big Leap
September 7, 2018
Right now, I am in a season of transition.
Transitions are not new creatures to visit my life. I’ve had a good number of them before and I expect to have them consistently join me as companions in the years to come. I’m also not the type of person who does everything possible to avoid transition and change. I realize that some people are made to do that; I’m not one of them. I often love and welcome change- even hard ones. I have grown to accept it… even if it’s difficult and ugly or joyful and wonderful. Maybe its maturity (finally!) or perhaps it cynicism or maybe just a healthy dose of both, but I kind of feel that transitions come regardless of what I do or don’t do, and there’s no point in me trying to avoid them.
So right now, I find myself thrust into transition. And I’m surprised at the depths of emotions I feel about this particular change. As I have been reflecting on my current situation, I realize that part of what is making this change more difficult is that it came rather quickly– yet not unexpectedly… which is a strange combination to sort out in my mind.
This particular change which I am navigating calls out a deeper reflection than ever before, because I’m not just stepping into a new version of the same thing I’ve always been or done. Instead, this transition has me stepping into a completely new experience that is not a different “model” of the same job.
Let me try to explain: Read the rest of this entry »
Splat
September 5, 2015
I know that I have been delinquent. I know that I haven’t even opened up this blog much at all the last few months. The last few months have been delightfully full and hectically frantic. There are many things to report- some wonderful, some not so much- but the main story of my summer months was ministry and my son. I got to preach nearly every single Sunday the last 4 months. We joked that that is more than most called preachers preach! I loved every single minute of it. I’ve regularly preached since shortly after my son was born and I stepped out of ministry, but to have such a solid block of doing something I love to do was fulfilling indeed. It’s hard not to fall in love with these groups of people who are simply trying to do life and follow Jesus together. And so I don’t even try to stop myself anymore; I plunge face first into love for them. But the hard comes when it’s time to part, when the ending comes, and I am torn away again, leaving a piece of my soul’s skin there, wondering if ever there will be a day when I do not have to leave soul-skin but can stay for longer.
There is much to write about with my son’s continued and prolonged journey. I will try to do that sometime soon when the words emerge in a way that makes a little more sense. I realize that that is probably why you tuned in to begin with, and if I have any readers left after my hiatus, I promise I will return with words on the adventurous and treacherous journey we are continuing to walk beside his small life. So, tune back and stay tuned.
But today, I’ve had an experience that seems to take precedence in my heart.
I came in second again. Read the rest of this entry »
A Letter to Herm
June 11, 2015
Dear Herm,
On a Thursday morning in the Fall a few years ago, I walked into a local church, sweaty palmed and fighting the inward pull to shut down and shut off and not meet the faces of these strangers I was there to see. I entered the yellow painted room with the round table set and jackets strewn about and the candle- lighted- in the middle of the space indicating the presence of God. And I met you.
Rugged and rough and laughing, with a face that I knew in an instant had been marked by equal amounts of grace and pain. I met you and in the moment, I met the most honest of persons I have ever known. Such honesty is hard to come by, and it is a gift.
You did not know- and maybe you still do not know- that the space I was in on that day was an unkind space. I had been riddled by my own losses, tossed by the violations of those once named friends, and so unable to trust that there would be goodness, especially in someone deemed an authority over others. I was unsure at that time about anything and anyone, yet quite certain that this place too would disappoint, leave me wrung out and lonely and trying to piece back together the soul that had been ripped up several times too many. But I entered, and you made space. You led your pastors to make space. To clear a spot for a stranger in all my awkwardness, and to invite me in. Read the rest of this entry »
Saying Goodbye
May 21, 2015
I realize that most of May has gone by and I have not been visiting here. Partly because we hit the ground running from Boston and still haven’t stopped with the end of the school year and gearing up for me working more in the summer. But mostly because I haven’t had the heart to write. I’ve needed to stay turned inward for a bit.
And today makes me want to turn inward even more. Because we said goodbye to our son’s preschool teacher and I have been a weepy mess all afternoon. It seems so silly. So stupid. Because eventually we would have said goodbye to her and to preschool and moved into kindergarten. But that wasn’t supposed to happen for another year!
Yet transfers and bosses don’t care that my heart wants Miss Gail to stay. And so, she is leaving. With one more year of our son’s preschool to go. Read the rest of this entry »
In the Midst Of
May 6, 2015
I wrote this before we left the Boston area, but didn’t have a chance to publish it. So I’m publishing it late.
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There is such goodness in New England. The kind of goodness that wants to swallow you alive and you would let it… gladly. The kind of goodness that speaks peace to the soul in such a manner that you are quieted to all other sounds except the breathing of goodness surrounding you. We have been so embraced and held and kept this week in the East Coast, welcomed by love and lifted by the support of strangers turned into friends. It has been a gift- to see my son adored by our hosts, to open message after message of East Coast colleagues welcoming us to their land, to share meals with people I have known only through names in a book of Covenant ministers. There is such goodness there.
For too long we have lived alone, without this sort of gracious community. We have, of course, been given the gifts of several churches, of colleagues from other faith traditions who have loved us so well, of friends in our home city who welcome us with joy, but this lavish, radiant support- here in the East and from all over the globe through the wonder of social media- this gift is beyond it all. And so we have soaked this in and soaked this up and wondered in wordless awe how in the world do we ever repay such gifts. We cannot. We can only receive and vow to do the same for someone else who needs the support and love we have so graciously been given. Read the rest of this entry »
ordinary sacred 