ordinary sacred

When doubt stops by to visit
Her skeleton hands clutching my brain
Digging and pressing slowly and tightly

When she stands too close, her face jutted up to mine
Her wispy tendrils of coarse white hair limping down her chest
Her skin a slightly lighter grey than her clothes
And her wrinkled ash-like lips shut in a tight disintegrating line

Her mesmerizing eyes staring intently into me
While her icy breath hanging like clouds in my face pushing her stale air into my lungs
And I am frozen in fear or awe or both
When she makes the claim that I am less than,
Too useless,
Stupid, fat, ugly, and worthless

When she argues the case that I am beyond saving,
Beyond love,
Beyond possibility,
Speaking with the shriek of a ghost or a woman scorned
Loud and bold
Saying I am unable and unworthy and incapable and invisible
And I grow convinced that she is right

When doubt stops by to visit
Her spindly arms reaching to hold me close
-A poisonous embrace where I am tempted to rest-

Please tell me different

Speak other words

But I beg you
In ways I can’t even speak-
When you tell me different
Do not whisper
Do not speak low

Because I can’t hear you if you speak quiet
Instead yell, shout, take my cheeks in your hands and speak
Bold and bright and open

And tell me the truth,
tell me the possibilities,
tell me the colors of dreams I can’t yet see

But yell it
Don’t whisper it
Please.